Category Archives: Feminism

Why telling someone “don’t get raped” only adds to the problem.

I grew up with the constant feeling of hyper vigilance and fear of being attacked. Not because I lived in a crime filled area, or because I was in a war zone, but because of what I was taught as a young child and young adult.

Women and trans men are raised with the notion that it is up to them to prevent their sexual assaults.

We’re told that men will attack us and rape us if we’re not careful, so we have to take extra precautions and always be on the look out for the evil rapist in the shadows. Unfortunately, we’re more likely to be sexually assaulted by someone we know and are close to than the evil stranger waiting in a dark alley. Not that that stops people from putting a gigantic grocery list of things we’re expected to do at all times, even if some of those things are contradictory to one another.

We’re essentially conditioned to believe that we are the only ones who can prevent our rapes, and that it is our fault if we were raped because we just weren’t vigilant enough. We’re told that teaching people to not rape won’t work, and that rapists will always be rapists, so it’s up to us to prevent our rapes.

I was raped in 2002, and when I went forward to report it, I was told I was lying because I didn’t match the proper victim profile. Even family members have told me that I’m lying because I’m willing to speak up and speak out about my rape.

Please note, this article is not saying that you shouldn’t be aware of your surroundings and take steps to remain safe. This article points out that time and time again, it is the VICTIM who is required to take all the steps to prevent their sexual assault, and if they don’t take every step, they are blamed in some way for their assault.

What we are telling cis women, trans women, trans men, and in some ways cis men, is to basically be just slightly less rapeable than the person next to them.

So what I am doing today, is providing you with just a fraction of the things women and trans men are told from a young age in regards to rape. See how many of them you’ve heard, or have said/believed yourself.

-Never have your hands full

-Always carry something in your hand that can be used as a weapon (keys, “self defense” device, pencil, etc)

-If you are getting into your car, don’t put your stuff in first and then get in, get in and pull your stuff in with you.

-If you are alone, don’t do anything that can distract you from your surroundings

-If you’re out and about, don’t listen to music with headphones or keep one ear off

-Don’t wear clothing that can provide “easy access”

-Certain types of clothing send the “wrong impression” (Halter tops, tube tops, belly shirts, spaghetti straps, short skirts/shorts, tight pants)

-Don’t wear shoes that you can’t run in safely (wear sensible shoes!)

-Don’t travel alone at night

-If you HAVE to travel alone at night, stay away from the buildings, walk in the street if you have to

-Lock your car doors the MOMENT you get in the car

-Do not do anything in your car such as making phone calls/checking items after you get in, this leaves the opportunity to be attacked

-Take self defense classes

-Shout “FIRE!” instead of “Rape” or “Help”

-Don’t fully face an unknown man if he approaches you and starts talking (keep your body positioned to “escape”), if you fully face him, you cut off some escape routes if he turns aggressive

-Don’t make eye contact with men you don’t know, this may be an invitation for them

-Travel in groups if you can

-If you can, travel with a man if you are going somewhere

-Don’t “look” like a target

-Don’t accept help from strangers, especially regarding cars or anything that could result in a kidnapping/rape (same with accepting help carrying groceries)

-Lock all your doors and windows, do not leave them open unless you have them blocked in some way (dowel, window locks)

-Install a security system

-Always let people know were you are at all times

-Don’t live alone

If you DO get assaulted: (These still make me sick)

-Try to resist, but if you can’t escape right away, become passive

-Do not resist if he has a weapon, be passive. When he is distracted with raping you, get the weapon away from him (he will probably discard it to have both hands on you) and then attempt to get away. Do not use the weapon on him.

-If you cannot do any of the above, and shouting for help won’t do anything LET HIM RAPE YOU and then when he is done, try to escape. (We were told our lives were more important, and that we could live through a rape)

For those who could drink:

-Don’t go out drinking, or if you do, do not leave your drink unattended

-Cover your drink with your hand when you’re not drinking

-Be the designated driver

-Go to clubs where it’s only women

-Don’t go clubbing

-Don’t drink more than one drink

-Don’t drink at all if you don’t know your alcohol limits

From my daughters:

-Don’t bathe regularly, if you are smelly they won’t want you

-Make yourself look ugly

-Be “slutty”, men don’t want to rape “used” women (holy fuck did this take years to deprogram)

-“I want to be a man, if I’m a man I can’t get hurt anymore”

NO ONE OWES YOU SEX!

Due to the influx of people talking about people who have proclaimed themselves to be incels, the various views held by MGTOWs, PUAs, and others in the manosphere, I would like to state a few things and clear up some misconceptions. While this is mostly aimed as cis men, the statements and rules apply for EVERY HUMAN BEING!

First up:

No one owes you sex. I don’t care if you believe you need to ejaculate or you’ll die, that doesn’t mean someone owes you sex. If it’s really that bad, take matters into your own hand(s). This applies to cis people, trans people, enbys, and well….everyone. No one owes anyone else sex.

Now for the whole “friendzone” thing:

  • It doesn’t exist, stop blaming it for why you’re not getting a girlfriend or a sexual partner.
  • Being nice to someone =/= getting sex.
  • A person being polite to you =/= wanting to have sex with you.
  • If you’re only interested in being with someone because you want to have sex with them or to be romantically involved with them, BE UP FRONT ABOUT IT. It’s not the other person’s fault for thinking you just wanted to be their friend if you’re not up front with your motives.

On to some anatomy education!:

  • Vulvas do not turn into “roast beef” due to sex, they don’t get “torn up”, become floppy, or have a sudden change in the labia minora (inner lips) and labia majora (outer lips).
  • The vulva is what you’re thinking about when you think of the lips (labia).
  • The vagina is internal, if you can see someone’s vagina “hanging out”, they need to see a doctor because that’s a prolapse.
  • The more sex or pelvic floor exercises someone does, the “tighter” they can make their vaginal muscles.
  • Learn what vaginal tenting is and it’s connection with “looseness”.
  • The vagina doesn’t get “stretched out” or made “loose” with sex, if you knew anything about how that area worked you’d know that.
  • The hymen isn’t something to be “broken” and is not a sign of virginity.

Moving on to the sexy times!:

  • Having a bigger penis =/= women and trans men enjoying sex more.
  • If you want your partner to enjoy sex, pay attention to their cues and responses.
  • Communicate with your partner before, during, and after sex.
  • If they say they’re not enjoying something, or you’re not enjoying something, speak up.
  • Sex should be enjoyable, and communication helps ensure that with your partner.
  • Most women and trans men do not orgasm from penetrative stimulation alone, they’re not broken, this is how the body works. Their main center for stimulation (like the head of your dick) is the clit.
  • Make friends with it, you’ll thank me later for that tip.
  • No one is a “sex god” their first time having sex.
  • Everyone, no matter how much porn they watch or how many times they “practice” with masturbation, will look silly their first few to several times having sex.
  • Be willing to take time to explore, learn, and communicate.

Up next, some common myths being spread around:

  • There is no “wall” that people hit at an arbitrary age. Stop claiming that women are the ones to hit this so called “wall” while men either never do or hit it so late in life it’s moot. If you’re convinced that a person is “used up” by a certain point, you need to go back to school and learn how bodies work. Yes, muscles can get weaker with age, doesn’t mean people get used up though.
  • Sexual Market Value is not real, and if you’re viewing people by a perceived value in regards to sex, you’re really missing out. It’s fine to have preferences, but the people you’re “grading” are human beings, not objects or property to be assigned a value.

NEWSFLASH! 

Virginity is a bullshit concept used to put “worth” on certain people and shame others.
There is no shame in being a “virgin” out of high school, or even into your 20s, 30s, and so on. Stop listening to people telling you your only worth is through sex!

Now for dealing with people turning you down:

  • If someone doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s not an instant “you’re a bad person”, they just don’t want to have sex.
    If you continue to harass that person or coerce them into sex…you’re not a good person.
  • If someone wants to be friends with you and they are of the sex/gender you are attracted to, don’t assume that time spent with them will turn into them wanting to fuck you. Stop with this “friendzone” shit and stop placing people in the “fuckzone”.
  • No one owes you sex!

A little side note that is very important:

If you have no desire to have sex, then don’t feel ashamed! Asexual people exist! Don’t let people tell you that you’re less of a person just because you personally don’t want to have sex or don’t have any sexual attraction to people.

To the #incels specifically:

Appearance, dick size, and height don’t matter so much as your actions and how you treat people. Some of the best sex I ever had was with an obese man who had a 2″ dick. The reason was he took the time to make sure I was enjoying myself as well as him. Many of you who have shown your faces are more than conventionally attractive, it’s your actions and behavior that turn you ugly and make people not want you. Feeling that you are owed sex, and that anyone who turns you down is doing it specifically to spite you, only adds to your issues. People say no to sex, people have preferences, referring to women as below human beings or as things like femoids doesn’t help your case.

But above all…

NO ONE OWES ANYONE SEX!

DOESN’T MATTER HOW MUCH TIME YOU SPEND WITH THEM

DOESN’T MATTER HOW “NICE” YOU ARE

ACCEPT A FUCKING NO FOR AN ANSWER AND REMEMBER THAT THE WORLD DOESN’T FUCKING OWE YOU SEX.

If you made it this far and actually want to learn about the vulva, vagina, labia, and the rest, read up on the 10 more common myths and educate yourself.

Breaking Down Point 8 of “Gender Ideology Harms Children”

For those just joining us, please read the following links to catch yourself up:

Introduction

Point 1

Point 2

Point 3

Point 4

Point 5

Point 6

Point 7

Well folks, we’ve made it to the end of this hot mess that is being peddled as actual science. It looks like they’ve saved the most reprehensible point for last. As always I have done my best to use sources and citations that are accessible to all as opposed to those behind pay walls. Due to this, it does make things more difficult as many of the studies I have used in my own research for college classes that back up my points are behind those pay walls and inaccessible to most people.

Conditioning children into believing that a lifetime of chemical and surgical impersonation of the opposite sex is normal and healthful is child abuse. 

Except as I’ve covered in all of the other points, no one is conditioning children into believing this. On top of that there is proof showing that allowing a child to figure out their gender on their own as opposed to enforcing the gender they were assigned at birth is better for their mental and overall health. While as I have stated before the study into gender on the side of natural science (and in many ways social science as well) is still in its proverbial infancy, this doesn’t mean we’re not seeing what is actually going on.

The discussions going on today are on the topic of raising a child who is gender expansive (when a person’s identity or behavior is broader than the commonly held definitions of gender and gender expression in one or more aspects of their life) as opposed to enforcing the narrower guidelines of gender that we expect within society. If you would like more information on gender expansive children and gender neutral or affirming parenting practices, check out the links here, here, here, here, and here.

We have already seen that to even be diagnosed as having gender dysphoria as a child one has to meet several criteria as well as be symptomatic for over six months. We have also seen that the majority of children who are diagnosed with gender dysphoria do in fact grow out of it as they figure out who they are, but there is still a large percentage of children who do not grow out of it.

Due to the strict enforcement of gender within the majority of society, there have been difficulties finding large enough sample sizes to meet the requirements of being a “good study”, but of the studies that have been done, we have seen several interesting points.

By allowing a child to explore and figure out who they are in a nurturing environment free of judgement, we see fewer instances of mental health issues associated with the child being gender expansive or even transgender. (For more reading check out here, here, and here)

Endorsing gender discordance as normal via public education and legal policies will confuse children and parents,

I have yet to meet a child who is “confused” due to having supportive parents or who have parents who are well educated on the topics of gender. What I have seen are children who hide who they are due to fear that they will not be accepted due to either their community or families viewing the discourse about gender as abnormal or “bad.” Education is necessary when it comes to complex topics such as gender, and unfortunately much of what we used to know about gender and gender identity was destroyed back during WWII (Further reading on the destruction of the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft here, here, herehere, here, here, here).

While the term transgender did first appear in print around 1965 in American English, transgender people have existed for far longer than that and across the globe in many different forms. Many of the cultures that recognized multiple genders or that were accepting of people we today would consider transgender were either wiped out or forced to conform to the views and status quo of those who came after them, such as the British and French colonizers as they moved about the world, but in the case of the US, you can read more about it here.

So unlike the story the ACP is trying to frame, gender is not something that is new to us, it is that it is coming back into light after being pushed under the proverbial rug that is “new.” While transgender people and non-binary people will never be the “majority” of the population, they are just as normal and common as a redheaded person or someone with green eyes.

leading more children to present to “gender clinics” where they will be given puberty-blocking drugs.

Again, CHILDREN are not given drugs of any form, they are observed and watched. Adolescents are the ones who MIGHT be put on puberty blockers if their doctor and therapist believe that would be the best course of action for the patient. Also a child can’t just walk into a “gender clinic” and ask for puberty blockers, nor can an adolescent. The dispensing of puberty blockers requires not only a doctor, but also the person has to meet the qualifications of gender dysphoria. If they are transgender but don’t have dysphoria, they won’t be going in for medical assistance of that sort. I’ve already discussed this several times.

This, in turn, virtually ensures that they will “choose” a lifetime of carcinogenic and otherwise toxic cross-sex hormones, and likely consider unnecessary surgical mutilation of their healthy body parts as young adults.

This is just scare mongering and hand wringing using points I’ve already debunked. On top of that, would one consider a preemptive mastectomy to be “unnecessary surgical mutilation”? What about a breast reduction for someone who is dealing with overly large breasts and it is affecting their health? Those breasts were perfectly healthy body parts, so what is the criteria for a legitimate medical procedure and an “unnecessary surgical mutilation” for these people?

Trans people don’t “choose” to be trans, they are trans. Providing education, reducing the stigma, and normalizing things such as pronoun usage, acceptance, and visibility will not suddenly make children become transgender. It will however allow those who are transgender to feel safe enough to get the medical help they might need.

The ACP has added another piece to their article titled “The bottom line” but it is nothing but a rehashing of their already debunked, incorrect, and flat out false claims, so I will not be covering it outside of this one line:

For this reason, the College maintains it is abusive to promote this ideology, first and foremost for the well-being of the gender dysphoric children themselves, and secondly, for all of their non-gender-discordant peers, many of whom will subsequently question their own gender identity, and face violations of their right to bodily privacy and safety.

Pushing false information and debunked medical “science” to further an agenda that has been shown to lead to higher rates of suicide and self harm in trans youth is abusive. Denying someone’s actual identity is abusive. Allowing a child to figure out who they are in a safe, controlled, and loving environment is the complete opposite of abusive.

A child who is gender expansive and open about who they are will not suddenly turn their other friends transgender, nor will it make them “question” their own gender identity. To claim this is the same as claiming that you can get HIV by holding hands with someone who is HIV+, as in it is an outright lie. If the child does question, then that is because they were already unsure and they feel safe enough to try to figure it out.

And I don’t even know where to begin on the whole “face violations of their right to bodily privacy and safety”, that came completely out of left field and was just…wtf?

Breaking Down Point 7 of “Gender Ideology Harms Children”

For those just joining us, please read the following links to catch yourself up:

Introduction

Point 1

Point 2

Point 3

Point 4

Point 5

Point 6

Rates of suicide are twenty times greater among adults who use cross-sex hormones and undergo sex reassignment surgery, even in Sweden which is among the most LGBQT – affirming countries.

Now, this on it’s own sounds pretty damning, doesn’t it?  They even cite a study that has been used over and over again to justify things such as the following:

  1. The study shows that “trans medical care = suicide” so therefore it’s bad! (We will come back to this in a bit)
  2. After transition, “Male to Female” transsexuals retain male-pattern criminality, including crimes against women. (Yep, they’re trying to claim that transwomen are criminals and rapists)

So, how do we go about this?  Well first off, let’s take a look at where the ACP is getting their little sound byte point?

A 2011 study at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden produced the most illuminating results yet regarding the transgendered [sic], evidence that should give advocates pause. The long-term study—up to 30 years—followed 324 people who had sex-reassignment surgery. The study revealed that beginning about 10 years after having the surgery, the transgendered [sic] began to experience increasing mental difficulties. Most shockingly, their suicide mortality rose almost 20-fold above the comparable nontransgender population. This disturbing result has as yet no explanation but probably reflects the growing sense of isolation reported by the aging transgendered [sic] after surgery. The high suicide rate certainly challenges the surgery prescription.  –Dr. Paul McHugh

While I am loathe to cite something from Gender Identity Watch (a known TERF hate/doxing group run by lawyer Cathy Brennan), it is the only place where I can find the entire article.  The clip that I have posted above has been provided by the Transadvocate, who I will be citing during this article.  The Transadvocate has actually reached out to the head person in the study cited by Dr. McHugh, and a lot of clarification apparently has been needed.  For starters, the myth that Dr. McHugh has been spreading is just that, a myth. It was debunked by Dr. Dan Karasic and his entire response has been graciously reposted here.

One thing I would like to point out before we continue is that Dr. Paul McHugh has been one of the leading anti-LGBT activists in the public eye for quite some time now.  He’s the former chief psychologist for Johns Hopkins hospital and is often used as an authority figure when it comes to LGBT activities. However, there’s a bit of an issue.

In fact, it’s a rather large issue.  One that could possibly be pointed to as a major setback in our understanding of gender.

Back in the 1970s, after ONE study, Dr. McHugh shut down the Gender Identity Clinic at Johns Hopkins.  The study suggested that some trans people continued to suffer from adjustment challenges after surgery, something that has since been proven to be inaccurate.  As science has progressed we have seen that many of the old studies that people used to use to justify things such as racial segregation, homophobia, and sexual discrimination being debunked and put away only to be used for historical purposes.  We are now seeing the same with many of the studies that had been done regarding those who are transgender. To continue to base your bias and beliefs on a subject that has been debunked and proven incorrect is simply ignorant and shows a lack of integrity.

What compassionate and reasonable person would condemn young children to this fate knowing that after puberty as many as 88% of girls and 98% of boys will eventually accept reality and achieve a state of mental and physical health?

Ugh….we covered this already.  Deceptive statistics and percentages do not a good argument make.  See point 5 if you wish to read up again on this.

For further reading on the problems with the Swedish study, I would suggest checking out the links below, including the study itself.  Like many of the other studies the ACP uses, it doesn’t say what they claim it says….

http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0016885

Thinking about the Swedish Study

-Continue on to point 8-

Breaking Down Point 6 of “Gender Ideology Harms Children”

For those just joining us, please read the following links to catch yourself up:

Introduction

Point 1

Point 2

Point 3

Point 4

Point 5

Children who use puberty blockers to impersonate the opposite sex will require cross-sex hormones in late adolescence.

Seriously, why am I even having to explain this?

  1. Trans people are NOT impersonating the opposite sex.  A trans person is someone who’s gender does not match their physical sex.
  2. Any person with two brain cells to fire knows that due to the fact that a trans person normally doesn’t produce the hormones required by their gender due to their sex, HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) is recommended and often times used.
  3. NOT EVERY TRANS PERSON DOES HRT OR EVEN HAS SEX REASSIGNMENT SURGERY!
  4. CHILDREN are not using puberty blockers.  Adolescents (which is an entirely different category in the DSM V and in medical guidelines) take puberty blockers.  We already discussed this….

Repeat after me, “Sex is not gender and gender is not sex.”  It’s absurd that we’re still having to say this at point six!

Cross-sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen) are associated with dangerous health risks including but not limited to high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke and cancer.

Once again, the ACP is attempting to conflate sex and gender in an attempt to confuse people and to push the narrative that one cannot change their genetics so therefore they cannot successfully transition so that their gender and their physical body match as much as possible.

Like with puberty blockers (which I covered in point number four of this breakdown) no doctor with any sort of ethics would prescribe medications of any sort without letting the patient know of the risks beforehand.  I would also like to remind everyone that hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or cross-sex hormone therapy is not done on children. The general age for HRT to begin is around 16 years of age, and even then it is done on a case by case basis based on the mental, emotional, and psychological preparedness of the individual.

Like with medications such as birth control, psych medication, and many others, the doctor is required to inform the patient of both the benefits AND the risks when discussing medications.

And now….on to their citations….

Olson-Kennedy, J and Forcier, M. “Overview of the management of gender nonconformity in children and adolescents.” UpToDate November 4, 2015. Accessed 3.20.16 from http://www.uptodate.com.

Link: http://www.uptodate.com/contents/overview-of-the-management-of-gender-nonconformity-in-children-and-adolescents

Outside of the overview and introduction, everything else is behind a subscriber wall.  HOWEVER, if we are looking at the information available to those of us who do not have access to all of the data, it appears that the citation the ACP used is well…going against their narrative.

Moore, E., Wisniewski, & Dobs, A. “Endocrine treatment of transsexual people: A review of treatment regimens, outcomes, and adverse effects.” The Journal of Endocrinology & Metabolism, 2003; 88(9), pp3467-3473.

Link: http://press.endocrine.org/doi/full/10.1210/jc.2002-021967

Well good news is that this one at least isn’t behind a pay wall.  The bad news (for the ACP) is that it doesn’t fit their narrative except for pointing out that trans people will need HRT if they are to transition.  Swing and a miss once again!

FDA Drug Safety Communication issued for Testosterone products accessed 3.20.16: http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DrugSafety/PostmarketDrugSafetyInformationforPatientsandProviders/ucm161874.htm.

….I have no clue why they cited this.  It doesn’t say anything to match their narrative nor does it even have anything to do with the point they are trying to make.  Wait, wait, I spoke too soon! The information to supposedly support their narrative is all down in the “related information” section!

Never mind, spoke too soon again.  The information is nothing more than what any ethical doctor would already discuss to a patient who would be taking testosterone (cismen and transmen).  Not only that, but none of the information is relating to transmen!

On to the last citation before my brain implodes.

World Health Organization Classification of Estrogen as a Class I Carcinogen: http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/topics/ageing/cocs_hrt_statement.pdf.

Wow!  I can’t believe they would classify estrogen as a class 1 carcinogen!  Holy crap!

Wait…

Now that I’m actually reading the statement, it doesn’t way any of that!

In fact, they didn’t even cite this correctly!

The actual title for their citation is “Carcinogenicity of combined hormonal contraceptives and combined menopausal treatment” and the link doesn’t even discuss what they are claiming.  I can’t believe (yes I can) that the ACP would flat out lie to its readers just to try to push a narrative!

As loathe as I am to use Sheldon Cooper for something, this picture pretty much sums up how I felt after going through their citations and finding out they were either flat out lying, or just trying to sound official.

200

-Continue on to point 7-