Category Archives: Twitter

NO ONE OWES YOU SEX!

Due to the influx of people talking about people who have proclaimed themselves to be incels, the various views held by MGTOWs, PUAs, and others in the manosphere, I would like to state a few things and clear up some misconceptions. While this is mostly aimed as cis men, the statements and rules apply for EVERY HUMAN BEING!

First up:

No one owes you sex. I don’t care if you believe you need to ejaculate or you’ll die, that doesn’t mean someone owes you sex. If it’s really that bad, take matters into your own hand(s). This applies to cis people, trans people, enbys, and well….everyone. No one owes anyone else sex.

Now for the whole “friendzone” thing:

  • It doesn’t exist, stop blaming it for why you’re not getting a girlfriend or a sexual partner.
  • Being nice to someone =/= getting sex.
  • A person being polite to you =/= wanting to have sex with you.
  • If you’re only interested in being with someone because you want to have sex with them or to be romantically involved with them, BE UP FRONT ABOUT IT. It’s not the other person’s fault for thinking you just wanted to be their friend if you’re not up front with your motives.

On to some anatomy education!:

  • Vulvas do not turn into “roast beef” due to sex, they don’t get “torn up”, become floppy, or have a sudden change in the labia minora (inner lips) and labia majora (outer lips).
  • The vulva is what you’re thinking about when you think of the lips (labia).
  • The vagina is internal, if you can see someone’s vagina “hanging out”, they need to see a doctor because that’s a prolapse.
  • The more sex or pelvic floor exercises someone does, the “tighter” they can make their vaginal muscles.
  • Learn what vaginal tenting is and it’s connection with “looseness”.
  • The vagina doesn’t get “stretched out” or made “loose” with sex, if you knew anything about how that area worked you’d know that.
  • The hymen isn’t something to be “broken” and is not a sign of virginity.

Moving on to the sexy times!:

  • Having a bigger penis =/= women and trans men enjoying sex more.
  • If you want your partner to enjoy sex, pay attention to their cues and responses.
  • Communicate with your partner before, during, and after sex.
  • If they say they’re not enjoying something, or you’re not enjoying something, speak up.
  • Sex should be enjoyable, and communication helps ensure that with your partner.
  • Most women and trans men do not orgasm from penetrative stimulation alone, they’re not broken, this is how the body works. Their main center for stimulation (like the head of your dick) is the clit.
  • Make friends with it, you’ll thank me later for that tip.
  • No one is a “sex god” their first time having sex.
  • Everyone, no matter how much porn they watch or how many times they “practice” with masturbation, will look silly their first few to several times having sex.
  • Be willing to take time to explore, learn, and communicate.

Up next, some common myths being spread around:

  • There is no “wall” that people hit at an arbitrary age. Stop claiming that women are the ones to hit this so called “wall” while men either never do or hit it so late in life it’s moot. If you’re convinced that a person is “used up” by a certain point, you need to go back to school and learn how bodies work. Yes, muscles can get weaker with age, doesn’t mean people get used up though.
  • Sexual Market Value is not real, and if you’re viewing people by a perceived value in regards to sex, you’re really missing out. It’s fine to have preferences, but the people you’re “grading” are human beings, not objects or property to be assigned a value.

NEWSFLASH! 

Virginity is a bullshit concept used to put “worth” on certain people and shame others.
There is no shame in being a “virgin” out of high school, or even into your 20s, 30s, and so on. Stop listening to people telling you your only worth is through sex!

Now for dealing with people turning you down:

  • If someone doesn’t want to have sex with you, that’s not an instant “you’re a bad person”, they just don’t want to have sex.
    If you continue to harass that person or coerce them into sex…you’re not a good person.
  • If someone wants to be friends with you and they are of the sex/gender you are attracted to, don’t assume that time spent with them will turn into them wanting to fuck you. Stop with this “friendzone” shit and stop placing people in the “fuckzone”.
  • No one owes you sex!

A little side note that is very important:

If you have no desire to have sex, then don’t feel ashamed! Asexual people exist! Don’t let people tell you that you’re less of a person just because you personally don’t want to have sex or don’t have any sexual attraction to people.

To the #incels specifically:

Appearance, dick size, and height don’t matter so much as your actions and how you treat people. Some of the best sex I ever had was with an obese man who had a 2″ dick. The reason was he took the time to make sure I was enjoying myself as well as him. Many of you who have shown your faces are more than conventionally attractive, it’s your actions and behavior that turn you ugly and make people not want you. Feeling that you are owed sex, and that anyone who turns you down is doing it specifically to spite you, only adds to your issues. People say no to sex, people have preferences, referring to women as below human beings or as things like femoids doesn’t help your case.

But above all…

NO ONE OWES ANYONE SEX!

DOESN’T MATTER HOW MUCH TIME YOU SPEND WITH THEM

DOESN’T MATTER HOW “NICE” YOU ARE

ACCEPT A FUCKING NO FOR AN ANSWER AND REMEMBER THAT THE WORLD DOESN’T FUCKING OWE YOU SEX.

If you made it this far and actually want to learn about the vulva, vagina, labia, and the rest, read up on the 10 more common myths and educate yourself.

My thoughts on JK Rowling’s TERFness

So I decided to finally put my feelings and thoughts into words after reading Rowling’s various novels, posts, and tweets about trans people, specifically trans women. She made news back at the end of March by liking overly TERFy tweets, and then when called out attempted to blame it on a “middle age moment” and holding her phone wrong so she accidentally liked it. For those unaware of what is going on, here the article on it from Pink News.

As a trans person, seeing someone who is supposedly super pro-LGBT+ excluding a marginalized group from the movement can be harmful for one’s mental health, especially if the person being marginalized was in some way looking up to that person or even was finding solace in the fandom (because Rowling had made comments about LGBT people at Hogwarts, but apparently she didn’t mean trans people from how she talks).

Outside of personal feelings, there are numerous issues with how she presented the character in the Strike novels. (More info on the novels here and here) She used outdated and harmful stereotypes against trans people, stereotypes that get trans people outright murdered (claiming they’re just men in dresses, that they’re child molesters, that they’re going to hurt people because they’re hiding behind “being a woman”) or has had legislation passed against them treating them like a danger to society.

While it turned out that the one character wasn’t trans, the fact that that was her go to for the female first name played into the stereotypes and painted trans people in a negative light. Similar sorts of things were done to gay men back in the 50s and 60s (and up to today sadly) where they were secretly going to groom and molest your male children and “turn them gay”. We see it with other marginalized groups as well, a person from a middle eastern country is most likely going to be cast as a terrorist or a villain, an African American man is most likely cast as a “thug” or a gang member while the woman is cast as “sassy” or a single mom who is dependent on welfare.

By using the harmful stereotypes against marginalized groups, authors and film makers cause great harm to those groups, because people who read/watch that media often don’t realize that they’re incorrect stereotypes and take it on face value because it wouldn’t make sense for an author/film maker to do that unless it was true, right?

In one of her other novels in the Strike series, she has the main character threaten to have a trans character arrested and makes prison rape threats at the person. She also uses stereotypes about trans women being overly aggressive, or overly masculine and who are basically just again, men in dresses. (Discussed here)

And with things like I mentioned before, the anti-trans laws being put into place, or the fact that in the US there are 48 states where the trans panic defense is a valid murder defense, or the fact that reparative rape is still something suggested to “fix” trans men (like myself), having a famous author or film maker pushing harmful stereotypes like this does a lot of harm for the marginalized group.

So far there have been at least 8 trans people killed in 2018 alone, which adds to the myriad of reasons seeing a famous person touting anti-trans rhetoric or spreading transphobia as something to be frightening or problematic/cause for fear in the trans community.

There is more info here for other TERF actions if you’re interested.

Straight Pride is Bullshit

Hey straight pride day creeps, Do you even KNOW the history of LGBT pride or pride month? Or are you just whining for not getting a cookie?

I’m being serious here. Do you even KNOW why pride month exists?

Do you even know that being LGBT+ used to be illegal? You want to whine about no straight pride? When has being straight ever been illegal? LGBT+ pride was born from riots, from standing up to oppression and hatred for being who we are.

Do you even know that in some states “sodomy” is still considered illegal? Even though the SCOTUS “invalidated” those laws? In 2003, the SCOTUS reversed the decision on sodomy laws with the case of Lawrence v Texas. That’s right, up until then, being gay was ILLEGAL in several states. But tell me more about your straight pride and the “oppression” you suffer from.

Sodomy laws still exist in Louisiana, Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Michigan, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma, SC, Texas and Utah.

LGBT+ people are STILL more likely to be victims of murder or suicide than non-LGBT+ people, even today! Look at how many trans women have been murdered in just this year alone, or how many LGBT+ youth are committing suicide to escape the bullying or the hatred they receive from family and friends just for being who they are. How about the fact that reparative rape exists as a way to “fix” LGBT+ people? Last I checked, straight people don’t deal with that. What about conversion therapy? Nothing like that for straight folk.

But sure, you need your cookie for being straight, right? 

Even though ON PAPER, LGBT+ people have the same rights as non, we are still treated as less than human in many places in the US. There are 30 states where you can be FIRED for being LGBT+. Show me a state where you can be fired just for being straight. It took a SUPREME COURT decision for homosexual people to be allowed to even fucking marry.

Something that should have been a “DUH” concept!

If you don’t know why I say that, read the 14th amendment. The 14th amendment states that one cannot deny rights from one group of people that another group has, which means that marriage should have been legal for LGBT+ people since it was legal for straight cisgender people, but it took a SCOTUS ruling to actually make people follow the law. And even still, we see places like in Oregon where a judge had to be forcibly removed from the bench for refusing to marry LGBT+ people because he didn’t agree with the law that he was supposed to uphold. And yet we STILL have states and lawmakers trying to reverse that because “Ewww! Gay people!”

Transgender people are constantly at the mercy of “gatekeeper” people who decide whether or not they are legitimate. Do you see straight people having to constantly go, “I’m straight!”? Or do we assume straight is the default setting? Do straight people get murdered just for being straight? LGBT+ people get murdered just for being LGBT+. Do parents kick their kids out of the house for “coming out” as straight? Or is that something we see with LGBT+ kids?

You all want to think that pride month is nothing more than LGBT+ flaunting themselves and being “proud” of being LGBT+, instead of a celebration and rememberance of all the battles we’ve fought to even get this far in life. We celebrate the lives of those who fought for us, we celebrate the overturning of corrupt laws meant to harm and silence us.

How about you do some reasearch and actually learn WHY pride month exists before whining about not getting a cookie for being straight. Learn WHY we celebrate. Learn WHY we continue to fight. Learn WHY we are tired of your bullshit straight pride day and your whining.

Go and learn your history before crying about not getting a cookie for being straight. http://www.hrc.org/blog/the-history-of-lgbt-pride-from-1970-to-now

On Inclusive Language Regarding Pregnancy

I’m a trans man who is also the proud parent of one biological child and two step children. If being inclusive of people like me when it comes to pregnancy hurts your feelings….I just have to ask, are you 5, or are you just an asshole?

 

“Why should we say pregnant person instead of woman? THIS IS PC CULTURE!! (impotent rage)” *clears throat*

More info on trans men becoming pregnant, hence inclusive language is a positive sign in equality and fair treatment.

Why is it so hard for people to do research on this topic before screaming about evil PC culture?

Just because we don’t always make the news when we get pregnant, doesn’t mean trans men don’t get pregnant. We deserve to be treated with respect and dignity during our pregnancies. We deserve to NOT be misgendered. By saying “pregnant person” instead of woman we are being inclusive and compassionate towards those who become pregnant.

TL;DR: Don’t be a fucking dick to pregnant trans men.

TERF Warning Signs and Clues.

So….I’ve decided to go through various TERFs and TEFs that I’ve blocked and compile a list of “clues” and “warning signs” that someone might be a TERF/TEF. Obviously a quick check of their TL will generally give them away, but these are for “quick glance” checks.

 1) “Old School Lesbo” is one to check, especially when paired with 2) “Before the T got added to LGB” or 3) 80s gender bending.

EDIT: There is nothing wrong with “Old School Lesbo”, however please notice it is almost always paired with either an erasure of the T from LGBTQ+, or some other TERF warning sign.

 4) Profiles with XX or XY (yes men can be TERFs/TEFs)
EDIT: While there are some trans people using this, such as Chelsea Manning, it is something to take notice of and to pay attention to. This is almost always paired with other warning signs.

 5) Any profile using “Gender Critical” should be a RED FLAG.
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6) Reduction of people to XX or XY when referring to them.
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 7) TERFRAGETTE (this is a new one for me)

EDIT: They are claiming that like the suffragettes, they are pioneers and the original freedom fighters for a cause, though why would you want to fight for the erasure of a group of people? I mean, unless you’re really going for the whole suffragette thing, where it was only for rich white women and all other women were excluded….oh…

8) Thinking children transition and linking it to child abuse
Reason for this one is that children don’t transition, at the MOST they might be given puberty blockers. I’ve covered this in blogs and videos numerous times. Please see this series for more information: Breaking down the misinformation of the article “Gender Ideology Harms Children” 

9) The name “Goody” appearing in the names appears to be a good indicator. Usually shows up along with other signs.
EDIT: This is in reference to either the Salem Witch Trials (basically claiming they’re the victims of a witch hunt), The Crucible, A Handmaid’s Tale, or calling back to Puritanical practices.

10) Viewing CIS as a slur or claiming to not be cis but an “actual woman”.
Cis is a Latin prefix meaning same. This isn’t that hard people.

11) “Biological woman”
12) “Adult Human Female”
This goes along with the XX, and is generally a good sign that they are a TERF/TEF and is a form of intersex erasure as well.
EDIT: This also shows that the person does not have a full grasp of biology past that of a primary school level, or that they are being willfully ignorant.

13) Reducing “woman” to various organs/parts

14) “Women do not have penises”
There are multiple variations of this.
EDIT: If you are reducing gender down to sex organs, specifically penis and vagina, you should probably go back to school or at least listen to biologists who have been for a long time pointing out how bullshit your claims are.

15) Woman = Vagina
This is a variation of 13, but just…wow….

16) AFAB Transwoman
Yeah….
Assigned Female at Birth = Cis woman
Trans woman literally cannot be AFAB.
EDIT: Yes there are some who are intersex who can identify in this way, please do not assume I was attempting to erase them as I was not, the majority of people doing this are not intersex people, but TERFs who are attempting to make a mockery of how trans people identify in an attempt to erase them.

17) PERF (penis exclusionary radical feminism)
This one is a new one for me.

18) “Womanhood is not a feeling/costume” and variations.

19) Outright admitting to be a TERF (Goes along with TERFRAGETTE)

20) Mockery of putting pronouns in profiles, stating pronouns don’t matter

21) Asking for removal of T from LGBT+ / Outright refusal to add the T to LGBT+
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22) Claiming gender was created to oppress women (da fuq?)
EDIT: Yes, western views of gender are used as a form of oppression in many countries and regions. This does not mean it was “invented” for the sole purpose to oppress a specific sex. 

 23) Claiming to not be against trans BUT….

 24) Gender = Construct vs Sex = Reality
This goes along with the “Biology matters” and other variations of science denial or 9th grade understanding of biology levels of ignorance.

25) Gynophobia

26) Feminism doesn’t intersect with penis and variations of this. (Similar to PERF)

27) “Keep AWS female” (all-women shortlists)

28) “Woman identifying as human”

29) Associating vagina with woman and claiming that having one is not hate (similar to the biology is not bigotry stuff)

30) “Trans cult”, “cult of transdenderism”, variations of

 31) “Gender solid”
This generally is paired with AFAB, OFAB (obviously female at birth), or variations.
EDIT: There have been some who have said OFAB means “Observed Female At Birth” as well, so please keep a note on that.

32) Not understanding puberty blockers, associating puberty blockers with HRT or that puberty blocker = child transitioning.

33) “Transing” and variations.

There are obviously many more examples and variations of the 33 signs I’ve noted. Many of the examples, such as “I’m not cis” or reducing oneself to chromosomes or sex organs, are similarly seen among anti-feminists and people like @stillgray who don’t understand sex and gender.

As you can see, many of the signs overlap/appear together with others.

 I posted screen shots and not links because I do NOT want people harassing these profiles or people. If you encounter them or go to their profiles, please do not engage them and just block them. I wished to show examples of warning signs, and could only do so this way.  Please use this as an educational resource, and I hope this helps many of my trans, NB, genderfluid, and gender non-conforming followers when sighting people who wish to erase them or do them harm. All examples used can be found here if someone is wishing to use them to preemptively block these awful people.

 

Thank you for following me down this rabbit hole of just….what the fuck…

 

Erasure of trans men in the trans community

This is in response to the article/tweet thread called, “Please stop erasing trans men from trans issues”

Ok, so here’s my issues with these two responses. Bottom response first:

Saying this continues to uphold and keep the status quo that harms men (cis and trans). This gives fuel to TERF’s lie that trans women are just men who want attention/things to be easy. Even though that is an outright lie, stuff like this gives them “sound bytes” to use and to twist to fit their narrative. This CAN be misconstrued as trans women using male privilege (which they don’t have) to shut down trans men speaking up about their issues.

This is a silencing tactic being used by a trans woman to shut down the issues trans men are facing.

Remember, if you’re only supportive of ONE part of the issue, you’re not actually supportive of the issue. You’re a salad bar supporter. You’re picking and choosing only to support the things that affect you, which shows MASSIVE privilege on your part.

On to the top response (since Twitter gives them newest to oldest). Please scroll up if you need to check again for what was said.

Never once did I say this is a cult. But thank you for spouting TERF and “gender critical”/anti-trans rhetoric. I see post video after article to people fucking SAYING THIS TO ME over and over. I’m constantly told I need to care about my “trans sisters”. I’m constantly told that feminists need to care about their trans sisters and not just cisters.

If you suddenly take offense to the term being used because a trans man is using it, please see my previous points about the status quo and salad bar support.

Seriously, I could not have asked for a better example of silencing tactics, attempt at erasure, usage if TERF rhetoric, upholding of the status quo, sounding like a stereotype/giving fuel to TERFs, and salad bar support than these two tweets.

Bottom line is this:

Trans men are constantly being silenced and erased/looked over.

This happens not just by cis people, as you can see.

Yes, we DESERVE recognition and a say in what happens in the trans community and when it comes to trans rights. If you’re someone who believes only trans women deserve recognition and a say in what goes on for trans people, then kindly take the nearest cactus, lube it up, and go fuck yourself. I got shit on while trying to live as a woman for being vocal about my issues, and as a trans man I get the very people who I have fucking fought for trying to silence me.

Guess what, I’m not going to be silent, not any more.

Teaching Our Kids How to Be Safe

Up next on Ian didn’t read the article:

From the article:
“This isn’t about sexualising young people, but accepting that at some point your children will become interested in sex – they need to be educated about ideas of consent and self-pleasure early on to protect them from the potential actions of others.”
Hate to break it to y’all, but teens masturbate. They think about sex. They are curious and will try things out. It is our duty as parents to be there to educate them about safe sex and yes, safe masturbation. This does not mean teaching the kid how to masturbate, or buying your kid a sex doll or the Great American Challenge when they turn 10 (seriously, read the article). This means being there to answer questions and if necessary, provide the tools for them to be safe.
It also works towards ending the stigma against female, trans, and enby teens learning about their sexuality. Western culture still treats anything outside of a man mast u r bating as taboo and “icky”, which is detrimental for healthy sexual relationships.
This goes back to my point that we need to start with teaching sexual education at a much younger age than high school.
Start with using the proper terms for body parts, start with teaching boundaries and consent. Add more to the lessons as the kid grows, have the lessons be more in depth like how pregnancy works, body positivity/acceptance, and yes safe masturbation.
Children are going to masturbate. Get used to that fact.
The choice for us parents though, is do we let them know it’s a healthy thing and how to do it safely, or push it under the rug and teach them shame and self hatred?
For anyone wanting to read the actual article, here is the link.
(Article has since been taken down)
Strangely enough, this is the title when you click the link, showing again he didn’t read it, nor did most of his fans: